If

If I could just call you.

If I could just talk to you,

and tell you how sorry I am.

If we could just throw this away,

the battles, the fight, the hate.

If feelings wouldn’t get lost in time,

in silence, in absence, in fear.

if we were together again by the river,

reading the signs, holding hands.

If we knew how it was going to end.

If I could just stopped feeling deceived.

If I could believe it was true,

it was love, it was faith.

If we saved each other that day,

how come we lost each other now?

A lie.

For 12 years.

I loved a man who lied to me.

I trusted someone who lied to me.

I gave him everything I could, time, love, support.

He took everything from me, the house, money, furniture, etc. and it hurts.

But it also hurts to see how far he’s willing to go as long as he doesn’t loose one more cent. That’s all he cares about, himself, his possessions, and since I’m no longer one of his possessions, I have no value.

He’s lying, cheating, suing me, emotionally blackmailing me.

He said he loved me.

He lied.

He said the house was mine.

He lied.

He said he would help me finish my doctorate.

He lied.

He said she was only a friend.

He lied.

He says I was no more than a maid and a whore.

He lies.

My marriage was a lie.

A big fucking lie.